All Things are Yours

"… whether Paul, Apollos, Cephas, the world, life, death, the present, or the future— all things are yours, but you are Christ's…" (I Cor 3)

Insidious attack on the Word of God by a Meteorologist

I just finished watching a youtube video produced by Ray Comfort called “Evolution vs. God” where he attempts to demonstrate the undermining of the truth of God’s Word in our culture presented by the teaching of Evolution.   There is a lot that can be said about the points raised in this video.   But after I got done watching it, I had something of an epiphany – and that is, that there is an attack on the Bible coming from an altogether different quarter in our culture, and young, innocent children as well as adults are regularly subjected to the evil lies of satan through this avenue, and yet it has gone almost without question or confrontation by the church.   What am I refering to?   The lies propogated by meteorology.

You see, Genesis 1 and 2 gives a certain very clear history of God’s dealings in creation.   If anyone would say that this is “allegorical” or some other such non-literal reading of this passage, we instantly know they are in compromise and not willing to deal honestly with the Truth.   God does not lie, and the Bible needs to be taken at face value as we know He would not mislead us with His Words in the very opening chapters of the Bible.

Well, Genesis is not the only passage that godless scientists, liberals, and the education system disregard in reference to the point-blank truth which it states about the Creator.   For the same God which inspired Genesis, is the One whose very speech is recorded in Job 38:

22“Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,
    or have you seen the storehouses of the hail,
23 which I have reserved for the time of trouble,
    for the day of battle and war?  (ESV)

Now, in this we can clearly see that God creates snow and hail, and piles them up in storehouses, somewhere in the sky.   When there is trouble, He simply empties out the storehouses and the snow and hail come tumbling down to Earth.  But meteorologists do not acknowledge that God stores up snow in some hidden place.  Instead, they speak as though snow and hail are some sort of natural phenomenon, and that the snow and hail are formed SPONTANEOUSLY, during a storm – not stored up for the day of trouble, as the Bible clearly says.   See exhibit A, below:

Now some might say that storehouses for snow and hail are just some sort of poetic device, or a metaphor or something.   But seriously – who wants to go sledding down that slippery slope?   If you start considering the snow storehouses to be a metaphor, instead of God’s ordained method (not to mention accurate revelation) about where snowstorms come from, then how do we know if ANYTHING in the Bible should be taken literally?   Today, it will be metaphorical snow storehouses, tomorrow it will be a metaphorical six days of Creation, and before you know it, we’ll be talking about metaphorical miracles.  What justification would we then have to distinguish between what should be read symbolically or culturally, and what should be read as actual history?   Anyway, it’s totally sloppy exegesis to even suggest anything is metaphorical in the Bible unless the Bible itself clearly says, “this is a parable” or “spiritually speaking…” or something, because God wouldn’t let anything as important as knowing how to read the Bible be anything but completely self-evident and spelled out like that.

So, beware.   The biggest enemy to our children and our society is not evolution; because we all know about that threat and thankfully we now have lots of “Creation Science” books and seminars to explain how science has distorted the truth how God created our world which is clearly spelled out in scripture.   No, the true enemy to our thinking is coming from unnoticed corners, not the least of which is the darkened corner of The Weatherman’s Studio.   (Let me add – while Ray Comfort might ask people to prove the 65 million year process of evolution in a laboratory by test and repeat, and people might stammer and not know how to answer, meteorology presents a much greater threat.   Because snow and hail CAN be made over and over again in a lab, and can even be observed being created in clouds.   This makes these godless lies against the Bible’s testimony much, much more dangerous.)   Beware – and please, make sure you use your child safety controls on the Weather Channel and all network news stations, to make sure your children are not infected with this worldly way of thinking about snow and hail!

50 comments on “Insidious attack on the Word of God by a Meteorologist

  1. Paul Bruggink
    October 16, 2013

    Assuming that this is satire, it is very well done.

    • Heather G
      October 16, 2013

      Much thanks Paul – and indeed it is satire :)

      • Joshua P.
        October 21, 2013

        The sad part is, I had to scroll down to check if it was satire. I’ve read some crazy stuff as a believer…

      • Headless Unicorn Guy
        October 21, 2013

        Joshua P: In an Age of Extremes like ours, it becomes impossible to do satire. Because as far-out crazy as you go for satirical exaggeration, there are True Believers out there twice as far-out, twice as crazy, and Dead Serious. (And the Jihad is on.)

      • Sky
        October 28, 2013

        pardon the pun,but – Thank god it is! :)

  2. Jeff Straka
    October 16, 2013

    Good post, Heather! I wish more progressive Christians would understand the need to push against the creationists (have you read about the Texas state school board?). When 46% of Americans are creationists, we have a HUGH problem is solving issues such as global warming. And bless your heart for watching that Ray Comfort video – I could not watch the entire thing before getting ill. :)

    • greg r
      March 20, 2014


  3. David Marshall
    October 16, 2013

    Even though Morgan said this was “satire”, I was so tripped up at the beginning when I read “If anyone would say that this is “allegorical” or some other such non-literal reading of this passage, we instantly know they are in compromise and not willing to deal honestly with the Truth”. I had no idea what was going on.

    Needless to say, this was done ridiculously well. I shared it on my page with the caption of “Praise God for people willing to share the truth, even others may ridicule and condemn them! Thanks for this, Morgan. People need to be more aware of this dangerous idea that’s entering into the body of Christ. We need to be protecting the children!” Let’s see what happens.

  4. cindybrandt
    October 17, 2013

    We must stay ahead of the game. Who’s in for a “Storehouse Museum”? Let’s prove the storehouses of Hail and Storm with the scientific research from Dr. GodSaysSo complete with computer graphics and a voiceover from Max Lucado.

    Lest the little ones are lost.

    • Heather G
      October 20, 2013

      Cindy – a hearty AMEN. We’ll start fundraising immediately.

  5. Jeremy M.
    October 17, 2013

    At first I thought this was serious, but after reading a bit further I realized that it was totally being satire. Well done. It is very interesting how we are probably okay with that being a metaphor, but that some don’t want to even consider the six days of creation to be a metaphor or poetic language.

    Granted I somewhat get the reason. When you start saying that things can be metaphorical or poetic, then it can make it a bit more difficult to know what is meant to be literal and what is not. I’m not convinced that reason is good enough to just stick our heads in the sand, but I can understand some of the angst.

  6. thatstorygirl
    October 20, 2013

    Love, love, LOVE this.

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  8. james aydelott
    October 21, 2013

    I am dying here!!! BWAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA!!
    This is genius. Yes, I’m a meteorologist!

    • Heather G
      October 21, 2013

      James – thanks for dropping in from your darkened corner of the news studio ;)

      PS – I hope you are planning on repenting of your evil weather teachings soon.

    • greg r
      March 20, 2014


  9. dan satterfield
    October 21, 2013

    ROFL (another meteorologist). I have actually had several emails just like that but they were not satire..

    • Heather G
      October 21, 2013

      Oh wow. I am just wondering what, exactly, those letters were trying to prove to you. I’m seriously all ears!

  10. Josh
    October 21, 2013

    We must also warn fellow Christians about another dangerous, subtle enemy: Geologists. They continually claim there are no pillars holding up the earth and heavens. We must be vigilant.

    • Heather G
      October 21, 2013

      Well, we’ve known about the evil geologists for a long time – they are the evil cousins to the evolutionists. They actually think – or at least they teach – that rocks are millions or even billions of years old – even the ones with fossils in them deposited by Noah’s flood!

    • PNG
      October 27, 2013

      Don’t be ridiculous. There are no pillars. It’s turtles all the way down.

  11. sandyfaithking
    October 21, 2013

    I like Ray Comfort. He comes across as very genuine. But I don’t agree with him. When I suggested to a fellow believer last week that the bible is not infallible, and gave the reasons why, I was told that the person would ‘pray my heart would be opened’ and that I would ‘no longer listen to the lies of satan’. I decided the most loving thing to do was to walk away and not get into an argument.

    • Heather G
      October 29, 2013

      On a serious note:
      Whether one believes the Bible is fallible or “inerrant” is a potentially related, but not necessarily required debate to be had in order to conclude that the Bible is not meant to be read as staunch Creationists insist that it should be. (I placed “inerrant” in quotes, because even among those who claim a believe in inerrancy, upon closer examination that term becomes somewhat less clear.)
      There are a few different approaches to Genesis in which evolution becomes a tenable belief for Christians (or Jews) – some of those approaches are inerrantist approaches, and some are not – but whether the hermeneutical theory revolves around near-east creation mythology (less inerrant), or parables/symbolic language/metaphors (greater nod here to ‘inerrancy’) or some combination or divergence from both of these, people are found in both camps who agree that Genesis as well as other passages should not be viewed as a literal, historical, factual account.

  12. sandyfaithking
    October 21, 2013

    Reblogged this on multicolouredsmartypants and commented:
    An interesting read.

  13. Dan from Georgia
    October 21, 2013

    Hi Heather! 3rd (not a TV) meteorologist here! Thanks for condemning us! up..a conference put on by creation scientists called “Strange Hail”….

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  15. Friend of Muslims
    October 28, 2013

    “Storehouses” can be (and is clearly intended to be) a metaphor, six days of creation is not a metaphor in Old or New Testaments. Adam is not a metaphor in the teaching of our Lord. The fact that is that the air itself is the storehouse – in a way not yet completely understood – as is water itself, one of the mysteries of the universe.
    It is the teaching of Jesus Himself that should determine our view of the holy scriptures, not our clever satire.

    • Heather G
      October 29, 2013

      Hello there, thank you for being the first dissenting comment. I truly mean that. I was beginning to wonder why no one disagreed!

      So I’m wondering at your first sentence: “six days of creation is not a metaphor in Old or New Testaments.” I find the thought process here somewhat curious – why is there something about “days” in Genesis that you find to be the most unequivocal aspect of the story?

      As I said above to sandyfaithking, there are different views on how to read Genesis 1 and 2 without attempting to read the story as a rigid historical scientific factual account – not all of them rely on finding a symbolic equivalency for each aspect of the story. But speaking specifically within the framework of metaphors and symbols, you are correct that no where in the NT is there any sort of direct statement that “the days in the Genesis account are metaphors.” This however in no way precludes them from the possibility of being so; what is clear from the NT and from elsewhere in the Bible is that there is nothing fixed and settled about what a “day” must be or can be or should be.

      What might you be provoked to consider in the miracle of Hezekiah’s day (2 Kings 20, Isaiah 38) about the editorial freedom that the Lord might employ when it comes to what a day MUST consist of? And of course, there is always the ever quotable 2 Peter 3:8 (also psalm 90:4), “with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day.” I don’t quote this to suggest that Genesis be read with thousand-year chronological increments; rather, I quote this to further my point that the Bible presents both God the Father and Jesus Christ as routinely messing with rigid absolutist definitions of what a day must or can or cannot mean.

      If this is not enough for you to consider, then I would ask you to consider this: Was Jesus speaking literally when he said, “We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work,” in John 9:4? Or was he freely employing the concept of “a day” and “a night” for his own “spiritually speaking” type usage? Or would you require that the days of Genesis, uniquely, can only have other meanings besides literal, chronological 24 hour periods if that is directly stated in the NT somewhere, despite how even Jesus might use the term more creatively?

      I suppose I have long wondered why, if Jesus is the best representation of God being Himself God in flesh, and if He Himself *is* the very expression of God as the Word, why it is that He spoke so often in parables and metaphors, but we assume that other Biblical authors, inspired by the God whom Jesus manifested, would not do the same?

      • Tracy
        November 20, 2013

        The ‘days’ in Genesis are equated with ‘morning and evening’. They are also numbered. Though the term ‘day’ can be used metaphorically, both of these factors in Genesis, in my opinion, strongly suggest that it intends to refer to the common ‘day’ as we most usually understand it. The 2Peter passage does describe time from God’s perspective as being much more ‘fluid’ if you will than our more constrained experience of it. But the context of that passage in encouraging people not to lose faith even though the time has been long is to say that what is a thousand years to us is but a day in God’s time because God is aware of all of time at once. If you lived 1000 years, for example, you would have a subjectively different experience of a ‘day’ than you do now… or like to a child a week feels like forever because of their limited experience. That’s the point there. I don’t think it is valid to then say that God could be referring to a thousand years in the use of the term ‘day’ in Genesis. Even though a day may be AS a thousand years in God’s time, it is still a day. Personally, I think the idea that ‘day’ in Genesis does not really mean ‘day’ is probably the weakest and most indefensible way to try to modify the Bible to fit evolutionary theory. To me, the only real options are to see Genesis as a ‘myth’ conveying the ancient understanding or to take it at face value as the revealed truth of the origin of the universe. Though I’m not opposed to allegorical, symbolic, spiritual and so forth kinds of readings and think they can provide interesting thoughts, reflections and experiences; I do not think the Bible is intended to be read that way.

        As for your question about parables and metaphors… the disciples asked Him this question in Matthew 13:10. He replied…

        “To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. For to those who have, more will be given, and they will have an abundance; but from those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away. The reason I speak to them in parables is that ‘seeing they do not perceive, and hearing they do not listen, nor do they understand.’ With them indeed is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah that says:

        ‘You will indeed listen, but never understand,
        and you will indeed look, but never perceive.
        For this people’s heart has grown dull,
        and their ears are hard of hearing,
        and they have shut their eyes;
        so that they might not look with their eyes,
        and listen with their ears,
        and understand with their heart and turn—
        and I would heal them.’
        But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. Truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, but did not see it, and to hear what you hear, but did not hear it.

        God is faithful with the faithful.

    • Gee-Jo
      February 26, 2014

      If you take the days as literal, then you are required to take the firmament (raqia) as literal as well. Paul H. Seely has an excellent article called “The Firmament and the Water Above” which clearly posits all scientifically naive cultures had a solid sky of some sort even into modern times to which the ancient Israelites would be no exception. Regarding the response of the poster down below, there are some things to consider. The word for ‘day’ (yom) lacks a definite article in days one through five (i.e. ‘one day’, a second day) and yet, in days six and seven, the definite article is present. I would think if it were a historical narrative, it should be consistent. The demarcation of days is done with the sun which isn’t present until day four. The idea of ‘it was evening and then it was morning’ marking actual days presents a problem when day seven lacks such a designation. People miss the parallelism and chiasm in the text which make a case for an allegorical approach. Days 1-3 is a set which corresponds to days 4-6:

      Day 1 – light –> Day 4 – the luminaries (light bearers)
      Day 2 – waters/firmament –> Day 5 – marine life/birds that fly across the firmament
      Day 3 – land –> Day 6 – dwellers of the land

      The first three days are the realms while the latter three are the populating of those realms.

      The use of chiasmus:

      A ‘he created’ Gen 1:1

      B ‘God’ Gen 1:1

      C ‘heavens and earth’ Gen 1:1

      X The forming and filling of the earth. Gen 1:2-31

      C’ ‘heavens and earth’ Gen 2:1

      B’ ‘God’ Gen 2:2

      A’ ‘He had made’ Gen 2:3

      The use of ‘day’ Gen 2:4 (not present in every translation, but clearly there in Hebrew) is clearly problematic as a literal day as everything made across the six days in the first chapter is all present in this one, including Adam having the time to name all the animals, getting put to sleep to make way for his counterpart.

      These things taken as a whole make a strong case against a literal interpretation, and I won’t mention the other uses of chiasmus and the usages of numerals like ‘sevens’ and ‘tens’ in the text. Genesis has to be read in the context of an Ancient Near Eastern writing and not a 21st century, Western, post modern, scientific text.

    • gabrielcgottlieb
      June 10, 2014

      If the teachings of Jesus are all that matter in Christianity, then why do so many Christians condemn homosexuality or gay marriage as against Christian thought and as sinful, when Jesus never said anything about homosexuality?

      • Heather G
        December 3, 2014

        While your question is well worth a discussion all by itself, I just don’t think it has anything at all to do with the broad topic of this particular blog posting.

  16. Pingback: The Godless Meteorological Conspiracy

  17. Derek Ouellette
    October 28, 2013

    Great satirical post. Good job.

  18. lotharson
    October 28, 2013

    I strongly doubt that those people prefering to believe in secular science than in the INERRANT word of God are truly saved.

    God has set up a straight path for our salvation: believing in everything which flowed out of His mouth.
    If you begin to pick and choose which parts of Scripture you believe in, you have absolutely no grounds for believing that Christ paid the price of your offense.
    And thus you will spend the whole eternity in the realm of darkness unless you repent and confess the foolishness of man’s wisdom.
    May the Lord enlighten you about the evil powers who are responsible for every thunder storm which has afflicted our earth.

    • Joshua P.
      October 28, 2013

      You almost had me. I almost thought you were serious, until you got to the last line. Nicely done XD

      • lotharson
        October 29, 2013

        In an ideal world, everybody would know I could not be serious because nobody would think like that.

    • Heather G
      October 29, 2013

      But…but….from the Bible point of view, rainstorms were a blessing!!! You mean evil powers have been answering my prayers for rain?? [nervously wringing hands over this newfound knowledge…]

      • lotharson
        October 29, 2013

        And how are you handling the flood story, girl? It seems clear to me that God gave this task to demons.

    • Heather G
      October 29, 2013

      Demons couldn’t handle the logistical impossibilities involved there – t’would definitely take a God.

    • Marc
      February 25, 2014

      Indeed. Very impressive. You had me right up to the end.

  19. David Lee
    October 28, 2013

    I can’t quite claim to be your fourth meteorologist. I simply work on the I.T. support of a meteorological organisation here in Europe. Is this a compromise too far? Is there still hope for me? Should I still be yoked with these unbelievers? (Worse than that, my original training was in both Geology (shudder) and Geophysics (squirm). Perhaps I am truly lost…

    Meanwhile, here is a hymn I wrote which includes modern scientific understanding in our praise of God:

    • Heather G
      October 29, 2013

      Thanks for sharing that David – I love it! (Verse 3 looks like it could be a bridge or a chorus or something – although you already have a great chorus too.) I love your meditations on the interplay between God and creation – I have been thinking on similar things for a future blog post – less poetic, but similar in consideration.

  20. Pam
    October 29, 2013

    I think I might be too satanically lost – I have a background in climate change and now I work in natural hazards. Can I repent of my evil geographer ways to see the truth that floods are God’s angry pouring out and not a function of physical and meteorological processes?

    • Heather G
      October 30, 2013

      Of course you can repent – God is always waiting to welcome you with open arms ;)

  21. meykia
    November 3, 2013


    “You’ve Got a Friend”
    When you’re down and troubled…

    Treasures in Heaven

    “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.

    And so, to the storages
    I go
    And there
    I find
    On the way from here
    To there
    And back again

    Three True Testimonies
    Blood, Water, Spirit

    “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

    “The righteous person is rescued from trouble,
    and it falls on the wicked instead.

    With their mouths the godless destroy their neighbors,
    but through knowledge the righteous escape.”

    Who is my neighbor?
    What battle is not won?
    God so loved the world…

    Where is my hope and trust?
    Does the storehouse of your heart shine
    The eternal faithful word to your neighbor?

    Is the path to and from the storehouse
    A gift of light that shines the truth in love of G-d
    And His will that no one parish?

    Who, in Christ’s name desires trouble for their neighbor?
    Is there a place prepared at the table
    For your enemy?

    Who has overcome?
    Truth is evident by peace that passes understanding.

    Three True Testimonies…
    Which one are you, friend?
    Will I find you in my storehouse on the side of
    Trouble or Comfort?

  22. David Lee
    November 12, 2013

    These evil scientists get even worse! Did you realise, dearly beloved Christian, that some of these godless heathens, masquerading under self-appointed, grandiose, prideful titles such as “geographer” and “astronomer” actually claim that the earth is ROUND? That the earth is approximately spherical, resembling a ball? Lies!

    I call on them to repent of this round-earth wickedness. Look at the inerrant, infallible, scriptural witness to the TRUTH:

    Acts 1:8 “you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

    Do you see that? The ENDS of the earth. The ENDS. Does a circle or a sphere have ends? Of course not! So these spherical-earth so-called “scientists” are purveying a pernicious lie to ensnare you.

    And again: Acts 13:47 “to bring salvation to the farthest corners of the earth.” The CORNERS. Have you ever seen a sphere having corners? The supposedly round-earth “scientific” lie gets worse!

    And yet again, clinching it, Rev 7:1 “I saw four angels standing at the four CORNERS of the earth.”

    It couldn’t be clearer, could it? Four corners. Whoever heard of a circle or a sphere with four corners? Let us endure this buffeting storm of circular and mendacious propaganda and hold firmly to our four square gospel truth. Let us renounce the pernicious and insidious lies peddled by these purveyors of untruth.

    Finally, I condemn the computer scientists for plainly rejecting God’s word and polluting God’s created order with their so-called “Internet”… a WEB of lies if ever there was. Some have even led Christians astray, claiming that these wires and fibre-optic cables, which are man-made and therefore lost in an unrepented state of original sin, can be made to carry the pure, incorruptible word of God. Heresy! Shall the pure word be unnaturally yoked with debauched electrons and photons? Of course not! Psalm 104:4 “He makes the WINDS his messengers.” God’s message is in the WINDS. Not in man-made artefacts polluted by our sin. The winds: they, and they alone, says scripture (not our corrupt and debased “Internet”) are his messengers.

    And if you, dear Christian, are reading this via the clearly anti-biblical Interweb…. oh, hold on, my brain is explodin…

  23. Marc
    February 25, 2014

    Though we agree about Creationism, and though I enjoy your satire, Friend of Muslims approaches a point we need to consider: Creationists only insist on Old Testament literalism when (they think) the New Testament (especially Romans) requires it; OT metaphors like the one in Job have no bearing on the NT’s teachings on the Fall, on our need for a Redeemer, and so on. Hence, the Job snow-job does not pose a problem for 6-Day Creationists.

    I point this out because, as critics of Creationism, we need to carefully avoid the straw man fallacy, making Creationists and literalists seem more silly than they really are. There *is* a logic to their theology–unencumbered as it is by facts and evidence outside the Bible.

    Of course, I realize that your piece is satire, and the straw man fallacy *is* a good device for humor. My only concern is that people may walk away from this post thinking that your Job passage is a serious problem for 6-day literalists. As others have pointed out, on man’s satire is another fool’s sermon.

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  25. Graham
    April 1, 2014

    This morning the meteorologist told me that the sun will rise at 7 in the morning and the sun will set at 8 PM. How stupid can you be! Clearly him stating that the sun rises and sets means that he believes that the sun revolves around the earth. If you were just paid attention To astronomy in elementary school, he would have known that the earth resolves around the sun. Obviously he has no idea what he’s talking about and should be discredited as a meteorologist.

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